Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and
purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.

-Naomi Shihab Nye

logical thinking is a ridiculous class. no, it is not philosophy, it has to be math. also, a note to professor donahue, there is only one world and yes you should continue to smoke crack before class.

depression.

sometimes i guess it's imperative to know when it's okay to let go.

it didn't even feel like christmas.

all that i do anymore is read.
i can't seem to pry myself from my room or these books.
i am completely consumed. i have begun to dream about the characters and when i speak i often afterward think up stage directions in my head. if i could get myself away from reading, perhaps i would write.
i believe that i am slowly driving myself insane.
since home i have only seen erin and tony and that was only because i tore myself from my current situation and ran to my car.
i have lost my mind.

i wonder how many family secrets are buried with people long since passed away.
it's pretty cold on campus but i have an awesome old lady coat to keep me warm.
today me leah and kara called balish on app. 25 different people
and i'm in love with my history professor who is married and works for the FBI.

royal wood.
he's all that i listen to anymore.

i don't know why, but recently nothing has gone correctly. everything i do turns out to ruin my day in the end. how embarrassing.

whhhhhhhhhhhhhat
google weather just told me that Millbury's supposed to get snow tomorrow!
lucky!

i am incredibly depressed.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/30/business/30markets.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/30/business/30bailout.html

i don't live there anymore.

i feel sick.

arlo guthrie is coming on the 23 of august.
i really want to go.

I am a nervous wreck all of the time.
My mind is a broken record.
Nothing lasts forever.

alright. so sarah finally got around to calling john and getting him to do my tattoo. and it was worth the wait. and i love john. before we left he gave us both little red japanese maple trees in pots. it was adorable.

i have been extremely (horribly, i would not wish this on my worst enemy) sick lately. i can not eat.
correction.
i can not eat or drink anything.
even drinking water makes my stomach tie in knots so awful even a sailor wouldn't be able to unfurl them.
so excuse my behavior if i see you and look as though i am going to die.

and i saw a ghost the other night.
it was one of the most chilling feelings i have ever had.
it was horrible.
i woke up and felt s though someone was watching me so i turned over and saw a man leaning over my bed.
i blinked and sat up to be sure i wasn't dreaming and i wasn't.
i of course screamed and then my mimz came to the rescue.
as soon as she came into the room it disappeared.


anyway.
i have to balance work and like 13 parties this weekend.
drive safe.

and dude seriously let's hang out. yeah you!

sarah said that sirius radio is going to have a coldplay station. i do not believe her.
i also have no desire to research this topic.

my life has come down to making pies.
not much matters. as long as you have people whom you love and those who love you, there is nothing more that we can ask for.
we are a selfish nation. i do not place myself apart from that.

blueberry, apple, pumpkin, chocolate, cherry, pecan, mincemeat, tripleberry, pies.

hey remember that time when i almost went to holy cross because i liked their radio station?
yeah.
high school was okay.
well i mean it was actually really terrible and traumatic
but you live and learn.
or so i hear.

i am becoming the most cliche person that i know.

sometimes. when the day is quite quiet and still, i find the perfect chair just out of the reach of the sunlight. there i lean back and think to myself just how lucky i am.

even when things become horribly difficult and i have bitten my fingernails until they've bled, i find little things that make me ponder.

SONDRE LERCHE IS BEAUTIFUL.